Forever Creating

A crystal dewdrop twinkles in the sun
A little furry spider weaves his web.
He’s intertwining, overlapping; spins
and spins to make, to shape, and to create
a simple work of tranquil beauty. He’s

just like the painter with his brush in hand
and a white canvas before him, he will
create when inspiration strikes, but for
now, he will simply watch, observe the light
that dances on the haystacks, that plays in
your eyes, that surrounds you with warmth, the light
embraces nature with its touch. He smiles
and paints with pastel colors, gently, he
puts vivid images, visions from his
mind on to canvas. How serene, a work
of art. He paints and paints from day to night,
just watching the waves, the stars, the life that
goes by. He sees, he paints, and he creates.

Just like the writer with his special quill
pen, who puts words on paper, which brings things
to life. He writes and writes from dawn to dusk
of people, places, and weird events. He
shares heartfelt emotions, his joy and pain,
his dreams and hopes. He shares his fantasies;
he beckons words to come alive. He writes,
he types, he makes, he shapes, and he creates
through time and space, eternal, just like God.

forever creating
– Images taken from Google

Perfectly Imperfect

Is there something that you’ve always wanted to do, but something beyond your control was holding you back?  I recently went on a camping trip that included an 8 mile hike, and I realized how annoyed and frustrated I was.  I have these crazy, finicky knees that like to buckle and twist whenever it makes any sort of unexpected impact.  Once they twist, the knees, of course, become swollen.  Because of this issue, I cannot run or do intense sports because I can easily hurt myself.  I can go hiking on flat trails and hike uphill, but when I go downhill, I have to be extra careful and watch every single step that I take to avoid any rocks or twigs that can cause an “unexpected impact.”  It’s very frustrating because I have to hike downhill very slowly.  Instead of getting tired from physical exertion, I get tired from physically concentrating on watching my step.  To top it off, I always feel bad when someone stays behind to wait for me, when I know they prefer to go at a faster pace.

However, with all that said, I realized something.  There’s a difference between accepting a fact and giving up and accepting a fact and making improvements.  I know that I can do better than that, so I will strive for it.  I know that I will never be as athletic as a normal person, but I can be the best ME possible, and that’s enough.  I set my own goals and I reach for them.

Here is a poem I wrote a while back that really describes my perfectly imperfect knees.

 

Perfectly Imperfect

A loose carpet, a crack in the street
and KABAM, she falls –
bleeding internally, she grins
like nothing has happened
because it has happened
so many times before
and will …
many times more.

Her sorrow
no one truly understands
as she tries to do
all that everyone else can.
Staying healthy, staying happy,
concealing her knees
behind jeans and skirts,
perfecting the imperfect limp
and bearing it all,
smiling like a doll

as she lies on the floor,
and stares at the ceiling.
It’s a different state of mind,
a different state of being.
With her legs propped up,
stiff as a stick,
swollen and heavy,
she thinks to herself,
what a wonderful life …

if she could run
like the wind
and be MVP,
but knees don’t heal
overnight.

To be normal,
to be all that she is
and wants to be,
she puts on her braces
and smiles once more
for now she is normal,
somewhat …
as she cries inside,
nobody knows
because nobody’s
perfect.

Whisperings – Table of Contents Complete

At the end of April, my three wonderful friends (aka my editors) finished going through the first draft of whisperings (all 262 pages) and provided their feedback. With their guidance, I decided to split up my poetry collection into official themes. These are the sections I came up with:

  • Inspiration & Creativity
  • Thoughts on Love
  • Thoughts on Nature
  • The Body and The Senses
  • Telling a Story
  • Dark Poetry
  • Thoughts on Society
  • A Different Perspective
  • Self-Reflection

It was insightful doing this exercise as I learned a little bit more about myself. I definitely wrote a lot about love during my 20’s, since it was my biggest section. I was a little surprised that my nature section was the smallest, but then I realized it was because I incorporated nature into many of poems (whether it was love, inspiration or perspective). I just didn’t categorize many of them as purely “nature.” It was also interesting to revisit my dark side. During my late teens and early twenties, I really enjoyed the horror genre, the human psyche and the supernatural. All the poems in my dark poetry section were written in that time frame, but I think I’d like to explore that genre again as I go into my thirties. In this exercise, I also eliminated the poems that weren’t so great and got it down to 92 pieces that I really enjoyed. I’m really excited to move forward with my book. The next steps would be to redo my book layout, put the poems into the new order, finalize my book cover, print a copy, and try to find some local newspapers to review it 🙂 Thank you for all the support. Wish me luck as I pursue this journey.

My Brush with Beauty

I am but an element
in nature’s canvas,
a mere splash of paint,
insignificant
compared to the fire bird
looming above me.
Its orange wisps
breathing energy
into the sky.

I see a beak,
perfectly defined,
connecting to
a textured chest
of feathered clumps
that dissipate
into the sky,
spreading wispy wings
and a fiery tail.

A life force of energy
weaving above me,
orange, pink, white
breaking into
the blue, blue sky.

Mesmerizing,
captivating,
the fire bird soars
through shadows
and silhouettes,
beyond houses and trees,
through mountains
to the horizon,
passed you and me.

The fire bird lives on
forever through time,
captured on
the canvas
of my mind.

30 Days of Beard

The last couple of poems I posted were pretty feminine, so I thought I would give you a fresh perspective this time around.  I wrote this poem during the crazy season at work using testimonials from my male coworkers.  I hope you enjoy this piece =)

30 Days of Beard

Leaving at dawn,
returning at dusk,
my life has become
a blur.

Day after day,
night after night,
the second hand moves,
the beard grows longer.

Little by little,
patches of hair
come to life.
I know myself
no more.

Staring in the mirror,
I see someone
who’s not quite me,
for HE
is hairy.

I want to grab
a razor, a knife
to slice
it off
cuz it itches,
so I scratch it.

I find it annoying,
but I keep toying
with it.

I rub it,
I scrub it,
I poke it,
I stroke it.

It’s my stubble
of knowledge,
or so I think.

“You look homeless,”
they say,
but who are they
to me?

An aura of manhood,
harboring strength
and warmth,
connecting me
with my father,
my brothers, my ancestors.
Bam, bam…
I am caveman.

Outside, it is drizzly,
I can wrestle a grizzly
anytime.

But not today,
for today,
I will shave.

Little by little,
the hair
drifts away,
taking my memories
with it.

Now…
smooth and clean-shaven,
I am handsome
once more.

I look at the mirror
and I feel empty
inside.

After Shaving

 

Crush

My ears perk up –
ting, ting, ting
jangling chains
down the hallway
and I know it’s HIM,
as my heart
starts beating
bump bump,
bump bump.

Breathe in,
breathe out,
I face forward,
staring
at my screen,
pretending
not to care.
A smile creeps
onto my lips.
He’s here.

His simple presence
makes my day.
His close proximity
puts me on edge,
a mix of nervousness
surrounded by
a sweetness,
a warmth
that I
cannot
describe.

I avoid his eyes
and watch his lips
as he speaks.

His voice
soothing to my ears,
yet I don’t hear
a word
he says.

I want to touch him,
but I won’t.
I want to kiss him,
but I can’t.
I want him to go
so I don’t feel
this internal
battle.

Yet, I want him to stay
because I don’t want
to feel
this…
emptiness…
as if nothing…
was ever…
there.

XX

Gnawing, grinding
stretching, chewing
me inside out.
I thrash
from side to side,
twisting and turning,
I catch my breath,
only to claw
at my nightmare
with eyes wide open,
ready to rip
my intestines,
my ovaries,
to be free
of the pain
as I sink
into my pillow,
and close my eyes
to pray,
but I find
myself
laughing
in frustration
wishing
I could turn back time
and be a boy instead,
trade my extra X
for a Y.

The turmoils
of womanhood –
yearly heartbreaks
and monthly cramps.
Hiding tears
behind laughter,
we always hope
for better days,
better nights,
so we wouldn’t
be sitting here
listening
to the clock,
writing this poem
at 3 am.

So Precious, So Ephemeral

A soft breeze drifts by
as you open your eyes
to the rising sun
emitting an ivory light,
so breathless, so beautiful,
full of life.

The scent of fresh grass,
a newborn’s cry,
birds singing their song
to the whispering wind.

Feelings emerge,
overwhelming you.
Love… life… everything nice.
The birth of a new day…

but everything changes…
when the sun starts to set
from day to night –
yellow, pink, purple, navy
BLACK!

Soon the twinkling stars
will disappear…
loneliness, fear, neglect,
guilt and shame,
who is to blame?

The breathing of the lungs
in and out,
the chest continually rising
up and down,
so quiet, so still…

The rose withers away,
no longer beautiful,
no longer loved.

The beating of the heart
starts to dissipate.
Time is ticking
away.

Blood clotting in the heart,
memories clogging the mind.
The flicker of hope
begins to dim…

A knock at the door,
it is time…

Life…
so precious,
so ephemeral.

Rendezvous

The full moon hovers
in a star-filled sky
watching over us
as we lie
in a field of hay.

My eye sees
a protuding weed
above my head,
thinking back
on past memories.

Your body rubbing
against mine,
tongue in mouth,
kisses here, kisses there,
warm and fuzzy.
What’s this feeling –
tingling
in my spine?

Blushes, smiles, moans
and silent sighs,
kisses here, kisses there.

The moisture of your lips,
the warmth of your touch,
your voice, your laughter,
your fragrance,
your unspoken thoughts,
blends with mine.

Beat against beat,
breath against breath,
we live, we breathe,
we love…

Here we are again,
under the star-filled sky.
You look good tonight.
I was prepared

to roll around,
to giggle, to laugh,
to cry
in ecstasy.

But I’m silent and still
as I look at you
and you look at me,
and I know
that the past
can no longer be.

Warm and fuzzy,
gone with the wind
of yesteryear,

you and me
always and forever
friends

walking together,
side by side
but separately
on the trail
of life.

Love Thy Knee

Everyone has strengths and weaknesses, especially when it comes to physical abilities.  Know your limits, understand your body, but also have the courage to challenge yourself to do the things that you love.  Be smart, be brave, be you.

Love Thy Knee

Hold me, love me
wrap me up and hug me,
kiss me, feel me,
cherish and protect me,
truly, truly
get to know me.

Study the way I walk,
know the way I work,
For you I’ll bounce back up.
I’ll bend and twist
to find the right path.
I’ll walk for you,
but be gentle with me
for I am fragile
just like life.
I can break and I can fall,
so understand me.

Love me
unconditionally,
without force,
without pressure,
wrap me up
and protect me.
Love me,
Love thy knee.

knee
– Image taken from Google