Is there something that you’ve always wanted to do, but something beyond your control was holding you back?  I recently went on a camping trip that included an 8 mile hike, and I realized how annoyed and frustrated I was.  I have these crazy, finicky knees that like to buckle and twist whenever it makes any sort of unexpected impact.  Once they twist, the knees, of course, become swollen.  Because of this issue, I cannot run or do intense sports because I can easily hurt myself.  I can go hiking on flat trails and hike uphill, but when I go downhill, I have to be extra careful and watch every single step that I take to avoid any rocks or twigs that can cause an “unexpected impact.”  It’s very frustrating because I have to hike downhill very slowly.  Instead of getting tired from physical exertion, I get tired from physically concentrating on watching my step.  To top it off, I always feel bad when someone stays behind to wait for me, when I know they prefer to go at a faster pace.

However, with all that said, I realized something.  There’s a difference between accepting a fact and giving up and accepting a fact and making improvements.  I know that I can do better than that, so I will strive for it.  I know that I will never be as athletic as a normal person, but I can be the best ME possible, and that’s enough.  I set my own goals and I reach for them.

Here is a poem I wrote a while back that really describes my perfectly imperfect knees.

Perfectly Imperfect

A loose carpet, a crack in the street
and KABAM, she falls –
bleeding internally, she grins
like nothing has happened
because it has happened
so many times before
and will …
many times more.

Her sorrow
no one truly understands
as she tries to do
all that everyone else can.
Staying healthy, staying happy,
concealing her knees
behind jeans and skirts,
perfecting the imperfect limp
and bearing it all,
smiling like a doll

as she lies on the floor,
and stares at the ceiling.
It’s a different state of mind,
a different state of being.
With her legs propped up,
stiff as a stick,
swollen and heavy,
she thinks to herself,
what a wonderful life …

if she could run
like the wind
and be MVP,
but knees don’t heal
overnight.

To be normal,
to be all that she is
and wants to be,
she puts on her braces
and smiles once more
for now she is normal,
somewhat …
as she cries inside,
nobody knows
because nobody’s
perfect.